


"I never done good things"

by Pikartiste



Category: Ashes to Ashes (UK TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-07-22
Packaged: 2018-12-05 11:57:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11577618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pikartiste/pseuds/Pikartiste
Summary: The story takes place between "Charity Begins at Home." and "Alex's Big Day". Alex meets Gil Hollis, the charity-funder again. But in very different circustance, she'll discovers that he's not as she saw him the first time.





	"I never done good things"

After her daywork and her dinner at Luigi's, DI Alex Drake went out for a evening walk; thing she never did before. But this evening, she needed to refresh her mind. Since this case with the charity fund-raiser, Gil Hollis, her bonds with DCI Gene Hunt were tense. And Shaz Granger … The poor Shaz who were impaled in the knife, that Alex succeed to bring her to life miraculously. Now she's at the hospital, nailed down to a bed. Alex felt some pity for Chris too, seeing his girlfriend on the floor with all the blood broke him, until to bet Hollis...

 

Alex shook her head to forget these thoughts, then put her attention in the environment, trying to make connections with her subconscient.

 

“Alright Alex, remember that after your parents' rescue, you could go home and find Molly. But how to procee-”

 

She stopped sharply. In the corner of a street, she saw a figure sat in the pavements, drinking. She didn't distingued the figure well because of the obscurity. So she came closer on tip-toes, then she could hear the figure mumbling to himself, but she didn't understand what it was saying. Alex let her eyes accustoming to the shade, and distingued a white tissues in the arm. She couldn't believe it ! _No ! It can't be …_

 

“Gil Hollis ?!” she cried out.

 

The man turned his head towards her, Alex could see his face thanks to the moonlight. He was drunk and Alex saw tears in his face.

 

“Go away ! Leave me alone !” Gil shouted.

 

But Alex didn't go. At the contrary seeing the charity-funder's distress touched her, so she took the decision to help him. At least, for tonight.

 

“No, I won't.” she simply said.

 

Gil put the bottle of wine in his mouth and drank big sips, emptying the half. Next to him, three others emptied bottles of wine dragged in the pavement. He sighed frustraly : “Why ? To put me in jail ? So, c'mon !”

 

Alex noticed his clothes, as well as as his bandage, were messy. Usually Gil will tidy it but, now he doesn't pay attention. After all, he was too drunk for that.

 

“I just want to help you Gil ! Sincerly, I already helped you remember ? Please, come with me !” Alex begged, giving her hand.

 

“Oh yeah ? That's why you let your teammates _betting me_ while I was _handcuffed_ , and you pretend you _helped_ me !” Gil said nastily to her, which made the woman gasp. Then Gil looked at the floor, on the verge on the tears. “No one care about me … I'm just … _a failure_ after all.” he said in a broken voice.

 

Alex sighed, next she grabbed his arm : “ _I_ care. Come ! I'll bring you home.” she said.

 

“Don't waist your fucking time with me ! _I never done good things_ in my bloody life ! Leave me fucking alone for fuck's sake !” he shouted to Alex's face.

 

“I want to help you ! You won't stay outside during the night.” Alex said desesperaly

 

“I don't care of your help ! I'm just a _stupid_ , _wretched_ , _fool_ , _pathetic_ fund-raiser. With OCD over the market ! No girl, let me die in the streets, this is the better thing it could happen to me.” Gil whimpered.

 

Alex's patience broke. She sharply grabbed Gil's sweatsuit collar and hauled him close, despite the strong smell of wine.

 

“ **Mister Gil Hollis, now you'll** _ **STOP**_ **being a crybaby and you'll follow me; or I'll** _ **CUFF**_ **you for drunkenness on the public thoroughfare ! I don't think my teammates won't be so nice with you, and I'm not sure it'll play in your favor in the judgement ! Understood ?”** she yelled at him.

 

Gil remained speechless and frightened for a small while, then he dropped his bottle and finally resigned himself to come with Alex, but she had to support him because of his drunkeness.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Alex arrived at Luigi's with Gil as best they could, but she had more and more difficulties to support him, because of his weight among. She also had some difficulties to be discret when she entered in the restaurant.

 

“Shit ! You're too heavy !” she growled.

 

“What the hell here ?” a voice grumbled – Luigi's. The Italian froze : The DI with the man who just _shot_ his restaurant few days ago ! He believed he became mad.

 

“What is he doing here ?! Don't you remember what he has done _Signorina_ ?!” Luigi bawled pointing Gil, then the damaged restaurant's facade by bullet holes. Of course Alex knew !

 

“I know Luigi.” she sighed. “But look at him ! He's totally drunk ! he's not able to do something.” She added, showing to the Italian the drunk charity-funder who barely stood to his feet, his look in the void.

Luigi frowned : “Get him out ! I don't want to see him in _my_ restaurant ! Moreover he stinks bad wine.” he hissed.

 

Alex did nothing, she kept an impassible face : “I'll bring him upstairs, he'll stay there for the night. I won't let him in the street in his condition, he doesn't deserve that.” she said dry.

 

Seeing Alex won't change her mind, Luigi surrendered : “ _Va bene Signorina_ ! But I warn you : if something happen in this place because of this _bastardo_ , I'll hold you responsible !” he snorted.

 

“It won't.” she sighed. But, before running up the stairs with her burden, she turned towards the Italian : “Luigi ! Please, don't tell a word to Gene okay ?” she said.

 

Luigi sighed exasperated and Alex went upstairs laboriously with her burden she nearly had to carry. Finally arrived at her flat, she guided Gil until the sofa where he collapses. He bent in two moaning.

 

“Crap ! I'm going to upchuck !” he whimpered.

 

Alex rushed finding a bucket and give it to him, she didn't want him ruining her flat. Just that he held the bucket he vomited, the head inside. Alex was disgusted by the noise, but stayed next to him while he drained the wine he drunk.

 

“That's good.” she repeated to him, patting his shoulder until he finished. After a while, he finally stopped and stretched out on the side, breathing. Alex picked up the bucket to empty it, always disgusted. “Damn it ! This man get servely sloshed ! All these bottles of wine … He should be really desesperated.” she thought. She also couldn't believe that she brought a drunken man, who she cuffed few days ago, at her flat. Her conscience played her tricks.

 

Alex came back to the living room with a water glass for Gil, but discovered him sleeping and snoring loudly on the sofa. She blinked.

 

“Well …” she sighed. Then she took a blanket to cover him, and finally sat down on the armchair, watching Gil sleeping it off on her sofa. “Night will be long...” she thought.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The next morning, Alex was preparing porridge for her breakfast and Gil's. She didn't sleep well, to be honest she _barely_ slept. She spent her night looking after Gil, to be here if he needed something. Alex poured the oatmeal in the milk and stirred by rote. At the while, she wanted to sleep, but Gil's loud snorrings prevented her to sleep correctly. She compared the snorrings to a herd of boards in her flat. Alex suddenly heard a low mumble. She turned her head and saw Gil emerging of his night.

 

“Oow … My head … Damn... That's hurt.” he grumbled, trying hardly to get up. He sat down in the border on the sofa , the head in his hands, emerging. Then he looked around him completely disoriented. “Shit ! Wh – where I am ?” he whimpered.

 

Alex guessed he had any memories of the night. “Good morning Gil, you're at my home.” she said cheerfully, filling a glass with water and putting an aspirin.

 

Gil blinked at her : “B – But how is it possible ?”

 

“Well, I found you in the street drinking.” Alex sighed, filling two bowls with porridge.

 

“What ?! I- I mean … How could this happened ?” he asked confused. Deciding, he totally forgot everything.

 

“I don't know Gil. All I can say it's you were sat in the pavement in the street, drinking bottles of wine and you bawled at me when I tried to help you. So I had to use force to bring you here.” Alex said quietly.

 

“Oh fuck off !” Gil growled, sprawling on the sofa sighing. His head hurted him a lot, as he had a drum inside. Alex brought the breakfast in a tray, she put in the table and sat down next to Gil. The charity-funder was tidying his bandage for it to be align with the zipper of his sweatsuit.

 

“Drink that. You'll feel better after.” she said, giving the glass to Gil, that he took and drank.

 

“Thanks you.” he said between gulps, then he put the glass in the table, making sure it was perfectly align with the edge of the table.

 

“You should eat that.” Alex said, showing the man the bowls of porridge. She took one. Gil seemed disgusted.

 

“I – I'm sorry Ma'am, but … I d – don't feel very well to eat.” he said apologizing.

 

“You should.” Alex said eating a spoonful of porridge. She looked at Gil placing the spoon perpandicular to the bowl. “Why didn't I remember anything ?” he goused. “It's like … _A black hole_ in my mind.”

 

Suddenly he had a presentiment : “Wait ! If I spent the night here … Did we had … I mean … You know … _Made some things_ ?” he said confusely.

 

Alex laughed nervously : “What ? _No !_ Not at all ! To be honest, I would _never_ have wanted to sleep with someone drunk. Moreover, in your condition, you wasn't able to do something so … It was _impossible_.” she sneered. Obviously, for nothing in the world she wanted spend one night with Gil in the same bed, for many reasons...

 

Finally, because he was hungry at least a little, Gil took a bowl and eat big bites of his porridge with appetite. “That's delicious” he said gently.

 

“Why did you do that Gil ?” Alex asked him motherly. “Why did you drunk like that ? What's happened ?” Her tone sounded worried.

 

Gil sighed : “Well … They released me until the judgement.” He put the bowl in the table, making sure it was in the same level than his glass. “When I get back home … I don't know … I felt like … _empty._ ” He paused, replacing his bandage. “So I took a bottle in the cupboard and I began to drink … _One, two, three glasses_ … Thinking about my life, my actions, _myself_ ...” He played nervously with his spoon between his fingers. “Then … I – I don't remember the following.” Then he had a nervous smirk. “That's funny … Usually, I don't drink … At least, just in occasion. Damn it, I don't even know myself why I drunk.”

 

Alex felt his distress as it was her own. She bend elbowed in her knees, resting her face in her hand; she looked like a psychologist listening her patient's problems. “But Gil, you already made good actions. Like the money you earned for African children thanks to your bat-”

 

“ _Excuse me ?!”_ Gil felt indignant. “And what I get ? My wife _left_ with my kid ! Because I just wanted to help _bloody_ African brats she thinks I love them more as my own ! I spend _EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS_ in a bloody bath for absolutely _nothing_ !” He suddenly felt ashamed. “I – I'm sorry ! I didn't mean that-”

 

“It's alright.” Alex snapped. She put a compassionate hand in his shoulder. “Gil, think about your son ! He needs you and he loves you right ?”

 

Gil deeply sighed, looking Alex right in her eyes.. “Oh yes ? Do you really think he'll love me after what I've done ?! First I _stole_ money of the charity, then I _lied_ to the Police by making them believe the money was stolen in a robbery. I _shot_ the bar, I accidentally _stabbed_ your teammate, and now I'm going to be _judged_ by the court and _go_ to the jail. How my son _could_ love me after that ? _How ?!_ ” He looked at the floor, and his tone became less rough. “What I am for him ? I'm all but _an example_ for Adam. My wife wants to divorce and no longer hear about me, and she's right. I can't blame her. Now, for them; I'm just a fool, _an idiot_ , a trash, a fraud, a disgrace, _an offender_ … I'd a pretty little family life...” His voice broke and tears rolled down in his cheeks. _“...I screwed everything up...”_

 

“Oh Gil !” Alex envelopped the charity-funder in her arms, letting him cry in her shoulder. She said nothing, holding and strocking his head and back. “It's okay.” she whispered several times. Hearing the charity-funder sobbing in her arms hurt her deeply. Gil was not a nasty man, he was just … _“Lost”_ and desesperated. She felt tears picking her eyes too.

 

Gil calmed down a little, now he whimpered and hiccuped softly like a puppy. Alex grabbed Gil's face in her hands.

 

“Gil, listen to me now.” she said in a soft tone, as a mother talking to her child. “All you said is _wrong_ , you're _absolutely_ wrong. You're not what you think you are.” She wiped his eyes with a gentle hand, making him blush. “All I'm seeing is a _kind_ man who make good things for the others. A man who wanted to help starving children in anothers countries. A _loving_ man with his family.”

 

“A – Are you sure ?” Gil hiccuped.

 

“Absolutely Mister Hollis !” she said smiling. “Especially with _your son_.” her heart tight. “Last time, I saw you hugging your son, I could see how much you love each other. Seeing you laughed and smile showed me this _love_ between you.”

 

Tears rolled again in Gil's face : “But … Now he won't love me anymore.” he whimpered.

 

“ _No !_ He _still_ loves you, believe me Gil. You are _his father_ , no matter what happens. He _does_ love you, and _will_ love you as you love him. A complicity between a father and a son never break, don't forget that Gil.” she said, wipping his eyes again.

 

“I guess … I won't _see_ him anymore.” Gil said with a tiny voice.

 

Alex flinched, thinking about her own daughter. She suddenly felt a urge to cry but tried to control it. “Yes … Yes you will Gil. You, at the contrary of me, you still have _your child_.” Her voice was trembling and had more difficulties to keep it right. “Mine … I – I don't know if … if … I'll see her _again_ … I j – just have to … to change _my future._ ” It sounded she was talking to herself.

 

Gil blinked at her : “D – DI Drake ?” he asked speechless.

 

“ _Uh ?”_ Alex realized she was gone in her own thoughts, so she took a deep breath to refound her self-control and wipped carefully her face. “I'm sorry.” she said. She finally placed her hands in Gil's shoulders and talked to him in a more serious tone.

 

“Gil, for your trial, the court'll probably judge you for emblezzement, liar to the police and manslaughter. I know it'll hard, but you have to know your lawyer'll do everything to reduce the sentence. All you have to do it's telling the truth, nothing more.”

 

Gil listened her carefuly without asking question, as a pupil listening his teacher; Alex carried on : “Moreover, Mrs Price is a good lawyer, trust me.” She had a conforting smile. “For now, you have to go back home and take time for yourself. I mean, take a step back in the situation. Like … Well … See a psychologist for example.”

 

Alex saw Gil fiddling his bandage, she put a gentle hand in his arm. “It'll do you the greatest good Gil, I swear. Mostly for … Your _“problem”_.” she said watching the injured arm.

 

Gil sighed : “I guess you're right.” He slowly stood up of the sofa and went to the door. “Well, I've to go back home.” he added.

 

“And take a good shower.” Alex teased him gently. In fact, Gil always had a smell of wine, despite the night. Alex opened the door. “Well, goodbye Gil and … _Good luck_ for the trial.”

 

Gil had a smile : “Goodbye DI Drake.” he said quietly. But before leaving, he sharply hugged the DI in his arms and hold her strongly, that Alex returned him shyly.

 

“ _Thanks you.”_ he whispered.

 


End file.
